Look Both Ways Read online

  After breakfast the following morning, she went to McMyrtis Department Store to select a wedding gift from the bride’s registry. She reviewed the remaining pieces of china and settled on eight plates to round out a dozen place settings. She waited patiently behind the two customers, but froze when the tall man behind the counter turned her way.

  “Susan!” Stan rushed around the counter and held out his arms. “My last customer purchased a gift from your brother’s bridal registration, and I was wondering if you were in town.”

  A closed chapter of her life stood before her.

  “Hello, Stan. I didn’t know you worked here.”

  He looked at her quizzically. “Your parents didn’t tell you? I see your mother in here all the time.”

  “My parents never talk about you.” The pain of their failed attempt at togetherness was gone. Looking into his eyes, she only felt grains of sympathy. She accepted his brief hug.

  “Did you just get in?”

  “I arrived last night. How are you doing?” she asked, managing a small smile.

  “I’m fine,” he said too quickly. “My wife is expecting twins, so I work here on weekends to build a little nest egg for the babies.”

  “Congratulations. I didn’t know you were married.” His intense gaze was unnerving. “I just came in to get a gift for Charles.”

  “The list is right here. I just printed it for the other customer.” He nervously placed the four sheets of paper in front of her.

  “I already looked at the computer registry,” she said, placing her credit card on the counter. “Just let me have eight plates.”

  “Yes, we’ve been married about seven months. We started a family right away. Do you plan to have kids?”

  “Certainly not without a husband. Do I know your wife?” She had wondered where Stan turned after they divorced. She never inquired about him, and quickly changed the subject when her friends offered updates.

  “I don’t think so. She’s younger…she’s just twenty-two.”

  “What does she do?”

  “Do? Oh, you mean a job. My wife doesn’t work; she’s never worked. I’m the breadwinner in our family. I’m doing quite well on the job.” He turned and spoke to a gray-haired woman. “Millie, can you handle things for about ten minutes? I need to take a short break. I need to get eights plates for this customer.” Turning back to Susan, he said, “This is my ex-wife, Susan Cross.”

  Susan wondered why he felt the need to explain their connection.

  “I took this little side job just in case there are complications with the twins, but I’m doing great financially. We just purchased a house down on Saint Peter Street. A two-story with large windows. I’m doing great.”

  She knew the house very well. They had talked of replicating it.

  Resisting the urge to smile, she said, “Yes, I can see.” He continued talking, and she pretended to look at a grouping of crystal and he went in the back room for the plates.

  “I just mentioned you to my wife. She was watching something on television that was taking place in Houston. How is it down there?”

  “Hot as hell.” She signed the credit slip and took the plates. “I need to have these wrapped, and I have a few more things to buy, but it was nice talking to you, Stan. Good luck on your marriage, and I hope you like fatherhood.”

  Without emotions clouding her vision, she was able to see the complex texture of his character. She now saw the insecurity she had previously missed. The thought of a working wife diminished his role as a husband and was, in his eyes, emasculating and demeaning. God, I hope I had no part in creating that pathetic image.

  She walked through the children’s department and her heart lurched. As soon as Will had mentioned children, she had started imagining a little boy who looked like his father.

  “My mind began moving in strange directions,” she confided to Barbara over lunch.

  “Seeing Stan just made me realize how much I want to reconnect with Will, but it also made me wonder about our marriage. I loved Stan when we married. You’ve known me for most of my life. Do you think I’m too overpowering? Too controlling?”

  “I know you, and I know Stan. His problems aren’t your fault. Stan could never be the strong man you need, and you would have wasted away trying to be the passive woman he needs. He has the right woman now—at least for the time being. She’s young, uneducated, and needy. I’m sure he didn’t tell you that she already has two children with different fathers. She is Sandra Becket’s younger sister.”

  Susan was shocked. “That’s probably why my parents never mentioned it. You’re right. He has someone who needs his care.”

  “And you need to get back with your minister friend and make a life for the two of you.” Barbara patted Susan’s hand. “I was there when you fell in love with Stan. You were happy back then, but your face beams when you mention Rev. Cartwright. It has to be right.”

  Susan was grateful for the reassurance. She had missed Barbara and enjoyed spending time with her as the week wound down and all thoughts turned to Thanksgiving and to the wedding. Susan had lunch with Barbara on Wednesday, and then had her hair cut short before visiting her favorite aunt.

  “Why did you get all of your hair cut off?” Aunt Virginia asked. “A woman needs that crowning glory, and you need to think about getting married, honey. Women were meant to have families. God made them that way,” Aunt Virginia declared. “I think you should fine-tune your domestic skills and find a man to give you a good home and a few babies. I got an education, married, and had four kids. I still worked. Teaching school is a great profession for women. You’ll have more time to spend with your family. That’s important.”

  “Not all women want children, Aunt Vee. I do, but I love my career.” Not wanting to ruffle the feathers of a mentor who had taught her to sew and cook, she listened to the anti-feminist views and realized how closely they mirrored Stan’s.

  “I really love Aunt Vee,” she told Tammy at the wedding rehearsal. “I just don’t remember her being so anti-feminist. Did she and Uncle Harry have a nice marriage?”

  “They had a great marriage as far as I could tell, but that’s because they were both dinosaurs,” Tammy whispered. “Virginia ran around like Edith Bunker; ‘yes, Harry, anything else you need, Harry? Can I lick your feet, Harry?’ She was a great mother; that’s why you liked her. She’s the most domesticated woman I know.”

  “That does explain it,” Susan answered, trying to smooth the puffy sleeves of her bridesmaid’s dress.

  “You can’t do anything with those sleeves.” Tammy folded the dress across a chair. “I do love Trish a lot, but that girl has the worst taste in clothes I’ve ever seen. Those bridesmaid dresses are Gone With the Wind revisited. Photographs of this wedding will get laughs for generations to come.”

  “I was thinking the same thing,” Susan replied. “She is a nice person. So meek. I thought my brother would have chosen someone more dynamic, but if he’s happy, then I’m very happy for him.”

  “I don’t know exactly how to break this to you, but I think Bobby is also a dinosaur,” Tammy said, laughing softly. “He chose a woman who will pamper him the way his big sister did.”

  Susan made a mental note to keep the pampering to a minimum in all future relationships with men. She helped with the holiday meal and enjoyed her parents’ bickering. She saw that her father was more excited about spending time with his first grandchild than he was about the wedding. During dinner, Susan noticed that everyone at the table was paired except her and the baby. She smiled at her parents’ renewed little tiff over the canceled wedding of Ralph’s niece.

  “They need more time. My sister spent a fortune, and they need more time. I don’t know what’s wrong with young people today,” Ralph groused as he carved the turkey. “You have to wait to get married, and then plan your children. Everything has to be planned. Your mother and I didn’t wait and we didn’t plan. We loved each other and wanted to be together so we got
married, just like Charles and Trish.”

  “Our kids are sure of what they want,” Tammy interjected. “Not everyone is. Choosing the person with whom you’ll spend the rest of your life is not an easy thing and should never be rushed into without thinking of every possibility.”

  “So what does that mean, Tammy? If you’re thinking you should have dated more and you want to get back out there, you can just forget it. Nobody is going to put up with your mess the way I do.”

  “You put up with my mess? I’ll have you know that I’m the one who makes the concessions in this marriage. You haven’t changed one iota since you said I do. I’ve bent in a thousand directions just to keep peace in this family.”

  “Pay them no attention,” Susan told a clearly perplexed Trish. “We’ve been hearing this all our lives. They love each other madly. This is just the show they put on for the rest of us.” She shook her finger at her father. “I don’t want to hear any of this when I bring a man home to meet my folks. You’d surely scare him away.”

  “If you bring Will’s little boy home with you, I’ll sit on Ralph if he starts to run his mouth. I want so much to meet him.”

  “Who is Will’s little boy?” Charles asked.

  Ralph took a sip of wine. “He’s that preacher’s son who made your sister’s life miserable a couple of weeks ago. His father was one of those nose-into-everything slamming, sweating, and screaming preachers from back in your mother’s day. I think she had a crush on him. She has never met his son, and even after he upset your sister the way he did, she still thinks he’s the greatest man on earth. I think your sister would be better off with this nice attorney she’s dating. Now he sounds like a real catch.”

  Susan was silent. Running into Stan had removed any doubt she had of a relationship with Will. Seeing him had made her realize the full dimensions of her need. She admired powerful men with strength, courage, and humility. She had been madly in love with Stan, and at the time, he seemed to have the qualities she needed to be happy, but there was much she had not realized.

  She spent a restless night comparing the men she knew. Remembering that the “perfect husband is one with the perfect wife,” she thought of her needs and theirs. Travis was adorable, kind, and intelligent, but limited by his own insecurities. Marc was everything rolled into one handsome package, but witnessing his flight of terror from a cat had altered her perception of him. She needed a confident man who would allow her to love him completely without demanding constant attention. She needed Willard Joseph Cartwright Jr. She knew her mother was only half joking about making concessions in their marriage. Her father was the steadfast and mighty oak tree. Her mother had relaxed her views on small issues over the years, while her father still held his original beliefs. She remembered the clamor when Ralph brought home a puppy for her and her brothers. Tammy had refused to entertain the notion of having an indoor dog, but relented when Ralph insisted it was best for the children. It had been a huge indulgence on her mother’s part, but small in comparison to the enormous love her parents shared.

  Susan considered the framework necessary for a successful marriage. Her parents, as well as Angie and Carl, were supportive and respectful of each other. Her aunt and uncle had shared the same antiquated views on the role each spouse should play. Love had many helpers.

  * * *

  Pink roses, streamers, and happiness filled the aisles of the church where Susan and Stan had married. She saw her brother, all grown up and handsome, waiting for his bride. Trish wore a traditional white lace gown with a multi-tiered skirt. Who cares if I’m wearing a sickly pink dress with ruffles and puff sleeves? Their happiness is all that matters.

  Charles took Susan aside before leaving the reception. “Mom told me you were having a rough time in Houston, but you didn’t mention anything when we talked. Is everything really okay?”

  “Everything is fine,” she answered, touched by his concern. “Work is going quite well, I have a few friends, and I told you about Dino. You would love him.”

  She stood with the rest of the family and yelled their congratulations as Charles and Trish left for Honolulu. Bobby and his family left for the short drive to their home in a neighboring town, and Susan went in to pack.

  “Can we come in, honey?” Ralph asked, poking his head in the door.

  “Sure, Dad, I was just packing.”

  She stopped and sat on the edge of the bed. Tammy took Susan’s right hand and held it out. Ralph placed a small velvet bag in her palm.

  “That was my mother’s. She wanted you to have it. Tammy wanted to give it to you when you and Stan got married, but I told her to wait for another special occasion.”

  “Thank you, Daddy.” She removed a gold chain with a small, heart-shaped locket. Inside was a tiny photograph of her grandparents on their wedding day.

  “This is beautiful.” She batted away the tears. “I love it, but why are you giving it to me now?”

  “Because we’re so proud of you,” Tammy answered, placing her arm around Susan’s shoulder. “You walked down the aisle when Bobby was getting married with your head held high even though your marriage to Stan was ending. Now you’re here for Charles instead of whining about your own problems. Your father and I are so proud of you. No parents could be luckier than we are.”

  “Your mother’s right, honey,” Ralph added. “I’m proud that you make that great big salary, that Charles is going to be a doctor, and that Bobby has his own business. I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished, but you’ve all made me happy by being good people. Your mother and I can sit back and thank God that you are all exceptional adults.”

  “The three of us are very lucky, too. We have wonderful parents.” She hugged them and said a silent prayer that, given the opportunity to become a parent, she would copy their style.

  “You might think I’m brave, but I do get frightened sometimes. Mostly of myself. I saw Stan the other day.”

  “Yeah, we’ve seen the little flea standing behind that counter and looking pathetic. You’re well rid of that weakling,” Tammy declared.

  “Is it possible that I turned Stan into a weakling? He wasn’t that way when we married. Am I too domineering for most men?”

  “I’ll answer that. No,” Ralph said, taking her hand. “Hell, no. Stanford was always insecure and fragile. With you, he felt bested, so he retaliated the way most cowards do, by exerting brute force. Unfortunately for him, he got the worse end of that, as well.”

  She dropped her head on her father’s chest. “I feel sorry for him.”

  “Now you listen to me, honey. You are never to stifle yourself to boost anyone’s ego. When the right man comes along, he’ll be happy that you are the way you are, just as I’m happy to be married and madly in love with this overbearing woman standing here.” He reached for Tammy.

  “Your father’s right, Susan. Just hang in there, and please don’t try to change. Your prince will come. If not Will Cartwright, or this attorney you’re dating, it will be someone equally dynamic.”

  “Thank you. I feel so much better after talking to you and to Barbara. I’m ready to go back to my new home.”

  When Ralph left to put her bags in the car, Tammy took her to the living room.

  “I have something to give you.” She took an envelope from a book, opened it, and placed a yellowing photograph in Susan’s hand.

  “What…” Her eyes widened. Her heart sang. “Is this…”

  “Willard Cartwright Sr. when he was maybe twenty-one, twenty-two. That’s Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in the background.” Tammy sighed.

  “How did you get this?”

  “My cousin Freddy took it at a rally in Washington. When he bragged that he had attended the rally and showed me the photograph, my eyes fell on Will Cartwright. One of the doctors offered me a thousand dollars for it years ago. I had almost forgotten about it. I want you to give it Rev. Cartwright. I’m sure it would mean more to him than it could to anyone else.”

  She stare
d at the likeness of the man she adored. “I can’t believe the resemblance. I also can’t believe the feelings I have for this man, and I don’t really know him.”

  * * *

  She didn’t sleep at all on the plane ride to Houston. Remembering Will’s arms around her made her dizzy. She heard his voice, saw his face, and felt the wonderful closeness they had shared, if only briefly.

  She deplaned, retrieved her car from the roof level of the airport parking garage, and began shedding garments and fussing about the heat. “Did a calendar get stuck on sweltering?” She kicked off her shoes, sang with the Christmas songs already playing on the radio, and rehearsed her lines for the conversation she planned to have with Will.

  As soon as she entered the apartment, Susan felt the absence of her companion. After dropping her bags on the bedroom floor, she decided to call Angie and see if it was too late to come for Dino. But first she checked her phone messages and heard a distressing call from Angie.

  “Susan, call me immediately. Immediately, before you do anything else.”

  “Oh, God! Something’s happened to Dino.” Her imagination gone wild, she frantically dialed Angie’s number. “I should have taken him with me. Daddy would just have to tolerate having a cat in the house. If Mom can get used to a dog, he can…Angie, it’s me. What’s wrong? Did something happen to Dino?”

  “Susan, calm down. You have to calm down before I can tell you.”

  Angie’s words usually sprang from her lips at breakneck speed, but now they were slow and deliberate. Her patronizing tone frightened Susan even more.

  “It’s not Dino. Other than being spoiled rotten by my girls and lying around on his big, fat butt, Dino is fine. What I have to tell you is very bad news.”

  “It’s not the girls. Carl? Please don’t—”

  “Honey, we are all fine. Just calm down.”

  Her mind was spinning. It wasn’t Angie, the kids, or Carl, and Dino was okay. There was no one at work she cared about to the point of hysteria, so it had to be Will.

  “It’s Will, isn’t it? He’s gone and got himself engaged?”