Look Both Ways Read online

  The memory of Will’s goodnight kiss was still fresh. She thought of ways to seduce him, immediately followed by a sharp jab of conscience.

  The hotel lobby was crowded with guests and conventioneers. Looking around, she recognized some of the members of the minister’s convention and picked Will out of the crowd by his distinctive stance. She stood watching him and feeling all the admiration and pride a woman should feel for the man she loves. Several of the men noticed her, prompting Will to turn and come to her. She smiled when her eyes met his.

  “Susan,” he said, his delightful grin in full display and his arms outstretched. “Hello, gorgeous. I missed you today,” he whispered when he got close.

  She had missed him, too. Spiraling tension and passion filled her body with the kind of heat that evoked memories of the early months of her marriage to Stan and how they used to run to each other at the end of the day. She would always cherish those memories, but she wanted new ones. It was Will’s lips she wanted to remember—sleeping and waking up together and making love until their passion was spent and she was too weak to stand.

  Will went back to his seminar, telling her that it would disperse at four. She went up to the room, but stayed in the living area to wait for him. She ate her room-service lunch and turned on the television for distraction. Slipping into a nap, she dreamed of his hands on her body. She opened her eyes and he was sitting in the chair next to her. It took a few seconds to realize she was no longer dreaming.

  “It’s not even three yet. Is your meeting over?”

  “No, but I couldn’t concentrate,” he said, lacing his fingers and leaning slightly forward. “There’s something I want—need—to say to you, and I’ve been trying to build up the courage to accept a rejection should your feelings not match mine. I’m sorry to wake you, but I knew if I didn’t say it now, I’d lose my nerve and spend the rest of the day telling myself what a coward I am,” he revealed, his lips quivering.

  “Will, I think it would be a good idea to say what’s on your mind. Watching you squirm is making me nervous.”

  He forced a smile. “I won’t bore you with the details of my life. I would like to tell you enough so that you’ll understand my feelings.”

  He took a deep breath and she braced herself, her heart pounding wildly.

  “Finding myself alone after Trey died and Tracey left was devastating. I missed what we once had—or at least what I thought we had. I loved her very much. I wasn’t sure I could comfortably trust my heart to anyone again.”

  Excitement and fear closed around her. She wanted him, needed him.

  “I tried to heal, and later started dating, but nothing ever clicked. I’m sure I caused pain to some of the women who offered me affection, but I couldn’t make myself feel what wasn’t there. Physical passion was all I could manage, and even that was dim. My heart didn’t respond. I began to wonder if I had anything left to give. I wondered if I could ever feel for any woman what I had felt…”

  His voice trailed off but not before his sincerity and obvious pain stirred her greatly.

  “I stopped dating. Stopped accepting personal invitations. I cautioned family and friends against fixing me up with some poor unsuspecting woman I could not possibly love. Physically, it’s been hard. Emotionally…I felt dead inside—that is, until I walked into Sealand and met the most desirable woman imaginable. Nothing in life prepared me for the feelings I had that day. Auntie, Mrs. Whitehead, said I babbled on like a scared teenager.”

  He paused and smiled.

  “I’m not a teenager, but I am scared—scared, excited, and more in love than I thought possible. Everything changed for me the day I saw you, beautiful, even in the midst of extreme irritation.”

  Her apprehensions, every negative thought living inside her, began to fade.

  “After I left your office, I hummed to myself and smiled a lot. I felt light, like a weight had been lifted from my life. If I wasn’t afraid of frightening you away, I’d ask you to marry me right here, right now. Please tell me I’m not making a fool of myself.”

  “If you asked me to marry you right now I would be scared, but not of making a commitment. Becoming a minister’s wife never occurred to me until I met you. When I think of it, I’m frightened beyond belief—I’m frightened of the unknown, frightened by my feelings for you. I’m at my best when I’m in full control, and my biggest fear is that loving anyone as much as I already love you will take that away. You lead a life that makes extraordinary demands on your time and your heart. I don’t know how that would affect our relationship, but I have seen a few happily married ministers.” She tried to break the tension with a smile.

  His nervousness subsided and his eyes shone with wonder. “I don’t know all there is to know about love, but the feelings I have for you are amazing. I don’t want to control you. I just want to love you. You’re right; my time is in great demand, but I would always make time for you. For us.”

  He stood and pulled her up and into his arms.

  “Please don’t think my invitation had ulterior motives. I’m not asking for anything you’re unwilling to give.”

  She wanted to give him everything, and more. Her body trembled with excitement and anticipation.

  “I sensed uneasiness between us yesterday, and I wanted to say these things last night. I’m just a man, Susan. A man of the cloth, yes, but also a man with needs and desires. Don’t be afraid to touch me. To love me. I will try to keep anything from coming between us or making you unhappy. If problems arise, I think you and I can deal with them.”

  “I want to love you. I do love you.” She settled against him without hesitation. Cedargrove, Sealand, and the need for control were forgotten. She tilted her face toward his in complete surrender.

  His mouth covered hers. It was not the sweet goodnight kisses they had shared in Houston. It was compelling and urgent. She gasped when their bodies aligned and she felt the whole of his desire.

  Her mouth was wet and wonderful. Firm breasts pressed against him. No woman, not even Tracey, had excited him so intensely. He thought of his position in the church and the community, of the emptiness that filled his heart. Susan could fill that emptiness; she could make his life whole.

  “Susan,” he said, moving close to her ear. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

  She took his hand reassuringly. “I’m not promiscuous, but I also have needs. I can’t think of living another day without you. I can’t think of not having you in my life.”

  Emotions flooded her heart. Their fingers interlaced, and just as his fingers filled the spaces between hers, his love filled her soul. She led him to her bedroom. He moved behind her when they reached the bed, his fingertips kneading the ridges of her shoulders. The friction of his hands ignited fires within. His arms enclosed her body, completely erasing all doubt. She wanted to stop time. To freeze the splendor of the moment.

  She started to unbutton her blouse, but he took over. He tenderly fumbled, staring wide-eyed as her body was slowly unveiled.

  Susan needed him to hurry, but wanted it to last forever.

  He placed her blouse on the chair and deftly unhooked her bra. She wondered if he was losing his uneasiness and if he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

  He wondered if she could hear the pounding of his heart. She dropped her arms and he slid the bra straps down her shoulder and kissed the slope of her back. She turned, and her breasts rose to meet him. He hesitated, wanting to behold the magnificence. Her body was perfect. Her breasts were full like ripe fruit, with buds that were invitingly erect. She unzipped her skirt and shimmied slightly until it fell, in a heap, at her feet. She sat on the bed and he picked up the garment from the floor and placed it next to her blouse.

  When he turned back to her, she was lying across the bed, clad only in her panties.

  “You’re breathtaking,” he whispered.

  She devoured his body while he retrieved a foiled square from his wallet and came to the bed.

/>   His eyes were dilated pools of passion when he kneeled over her. “I love you, Susan. Knowing I can say that with certainty leaves no doubts about our relationship. I love you so much.”

  He covered her mouth with his. His tongue slipped between her lips and his eyes closed slowly. Tasting the sweetness of her nectar, he moaned and continued down the contour of her neck. With his head nestled between her breasts, his tongue made firm sweeps over her nipples. She moaned his name and arched her back for more.

  His mouth circled the globes of her breast and she became woozy and heated in ways she had never known. He did something indescribable with his hands and mouth, and the air around her became thin. She gasped as he soothed away the pain of neglect.

  The heat of his body burned away all memories, making everything new and different. He peeled away her panties and kissed the inside of her thighs. Her legs fell apart, and he moved between them. When their bodies merged, Susan felt his soul move into her soul.

  Her softness tightened around him. He swallowed the scream that was building in his throat. Susan met each thrust like a smoothly choreographed dancer. It was new and intense. The excitement shadowed their first time, but there was also comfort and familiarity, as if his body had known hers many times before.

  Susan knew she could not hold out very long. Feeling his body tense, she accepted and gave until their moans ruptured into a combined roar of ecstasy. Their bodies crested and then fell in total fulfillment.

  They remained locked together, body, mind, and soul. Her head was on his chest and his arms held her in place. Susan heard the thunder of his heart but did not realize there were tears in her eyes until Will touched her face with his fingertips.

  “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

  “No, I’m great.”

  “I didn’t mean to rush that way, but it’s—”

  She stopped his words with a kiss. “It was wonderful. You’re wonderful. It’s just that…I felt something I’ve never felt before. I know that sounds sappy, but it’s true. I was in love before, but nothing came close to what I feel with you.”

  “I feel it too. You feel right in my arms. I don’t know if I can let you go.”

  “You don’t have to.” She kissed his lips repeatedly. “Your evening function is hours away.”

  They made love again—slowly this time, but with the same frenzied passion and fiery contentment. She hated to leave his side.

  “I know you have to attend this function tonight, and as much as I want to stay right here next to you, one of us has to move, so I’ll make that sacrifice.”

  “I’ll just add bravery to my growing list of your admirable qualities.”

  He caressed her face, his eyes flowing with love.

  She was running water in the shower when she heard him call her name.

  “Susan! You didn’t have to do this,” he said, coming in with the jeweler’s box in hand. “Thank you, but I wish you hadn’t spent so much money. Are you trying to spoil me?”

  “Do you like them?”

  “I liked them enough to circle them in a catalogue that’s somewhere on my desk. That’s how I know they’re expensive. You really shouldn’t have.”

  “I’m glad you like them, and yes, I am trying to spoil you,” she declared firmly. “I can only imagine the hurt you endured when you lost your son and your wife. I want very much to spoil you, to make you happy, to keep you happy. I want our love to occupy every inch of your heart, making it impossible for pain to enter. I want to satisfy you. I don’t want you to ever need anyone else.”

  He drew her into his arms. “That’s one thing you will never have to worry about. Just knowing you care, knowing you want to be with me, is the greatest gift you could have given me. I’ll never be happier than I am now unless…”

  “Unless what?” she asked.

  “The only thing that could make me happier is to have you for my wife, to come home to you each day, to love you forever.”

  “Well, you already know I don’t believe in long engagements,” she said, trying to contain her excitement and surprise. She kissed him and went into the shower. Afterwards, she dried her hair, finished her makeup, and dressed. She was getting a bottle of water from the minibar when he entered in formal wear. Her heart skipped lightly with happiness.

  “You are without a doubt the most irresistible woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’ll be the envy of every man there tonight.”

  “And I’ll be the envy of every woman.”

  * * *

  Will had not told Susan that he was president of the ministers’ association or that he was an honoree. Her heart swelled with pride when he accepted the award for excellence in leadership and went to the podium to speak. She was once again struck by his strength, his humility, and his self-possession. He was a man, she thought, who would not need to prove himself or take control. He was the man she wanted to love forever.

  He eloquently expressed his concerns for unity in the church and in the community, health awareness, and intervention for at-risk teens. After dinner, the gospel choir that had performed before the invocation sang a few standards from the big band era. He held her loosely and they swayed in harmony.

  “I’m so proud to be here with you. I enjoyed the evening so far, but all I can think of is snuggling in your arms.”

  “If you are feeling half of what I feel, we’d better head for the exit fast. I’m almost afraid to look around, afraid everyone will see on my face what I feel inside. We are being watched, you know. I’m usually solo at these functions, and now the most beautiful, most wonderful woman is with me. Stay close to me.”

  After the dance, he went for punch and his best friend, Robert Wise, joined Susan at the table. “My buddy Will has been holding out on me. We talk at least once a week, but he never told me he had something going on with a very lovely lady.”

  “And what makes you think we have something going on?” Susan asked, smiling as Will joined them.

  “I know this dude pretty well; we bunked together for years. But even a blind man could see there’s something special going on. Sparks flew between you two last night, and this afternoon in the lobby, but tonight…your glow lit up this joint.”

  Will smiled sheepishly. “Go easy, my friend. You’re embarrassing Susan.”

  “Susan isn’t the one embarrassed, but I’ll go easy on you,” Robert said, holding up his glass for a toast.

  Susan was happy when Will said goodnight to his colleagues. “Okay, excellent leader,” she teased when they were in the elevator. “Lead the way.”

  “You like teasing me, don’t you?” he said, toying with the curls that softly draped her shoulder. “That’s okay. Robert started teasing me as soon as he saw us together. He’s been a good friend for a long time. His wife is pregnant with twins, so I’ll have fun teasing him now.”

  He unlocked the door and she walked ahead of him. “Did you order this?” she asked, looking at the bottle of Dom Pérignon chilling in a bucket on the coffee table.

  “I thought it would be a good way to end this special evening.”

  He filled two glasses and joined her on the sofa. “I love you, Miss Cross. I love you with all my heart, and I want you to be my wife.”

  She took the glass and smiled through her tears. “I love you too, Rev. Cartwright—more than I ever thought possible, and I want to be your wife. Forever.”

  They kissed, and the sparks Roberts had described exploded around them. Claps of thunder almost drowned out the softly playing music, and rain beat insistently against the windows. But Susan and Will were oblivious to nature’s angry sounds, as they were lost in their own intimate world of newfound connections and astounding pleasures.

  After they made love, he folded her into the contours of his arms. Sleep came quickly and peacefully.

  * * *

  When Susan awakened, Will was looking down at her as if he had been committing her face to memory.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” he said, kissing
her forehead. “At the risk of sounding like a lovesick puppy, I just have to say that you are the most fascinating woman I’ve ever known, asleep or awake.”

  “Good morning. For a minute I thought I was waking from a dream. Tell me it’s for real. Tell me we’re here together and in love, and that we’ll have many nights like the one we just had.”

  “It must be true; I could never dream anything this wonderful. I love you. I want to have many such nights with you…for the rest of my life.”

  Drawing her closer, he said, “There is something we should talk about before going down to the prayer breakfast. I know a lot of the ministers here, some of them quite well. Robert Wise has been my best friend since college, so he was the first to notice my happiness, even before he knew I was here with someone. When he met you yesterday, he asked if we were engaged, and I’m sure some of the others were probably wondering. Would I be speaking out of turn if I said we’re unofficially engaged?”

  “I’ll say we’re engaged if you promise it will be a short engagement. I’m not going to be able to stay away from you, and I don’t think it would look right for a minister to live in sin, so we’ll just have to get married right away,” she said playfully.

  She enjoyed listening to him describing their relationship to his friends.

  “We haven’t known each other very long,” he would say, “but we’ll have an announcement very soon.”

  Later, they packed and sat in the living room, sharing more details of their lives; only this time they were looking into the future, not the past.

  “As much as we’ve talked, I never asked if you want children. I’m not suggesting we start the minute we’re married; I just want to know your thoughts on the subject. It’s taken for granted that most women do, but you have a great career. Motherhood interferes with that, so the decision is yours. I’ll still love you no matter what you decide.”